This article is included in "Past the Point of No Return" by Bhagawati, a collection of Osho sannyasin stories about finding their master. In this book, the title of this piece is "You Have Been Here Long Before You Came." The publisher is Osho World and the distributor link: www.dkpd.com
There came a time when I wanted out of any family relationships. I had read many books including Ouspensky’s In Search of the Miraculous and was blown away by it, and Gurdjieff’s ideas as well. I was also influenced by David Cooper’s Death of the Family. In this book, this “anti-psychiatrist” colleague of R. D. Laing, describes communes where “someone knows and everyone knows he knows.” After a year of living at Ellis, I moved into a VW van to live on the road in
I had a boyfriend then who was spouting some interesting ideas and he recommended I go to the
When I arrived there, they all looked so beaming and were singing happy songs but because I was still pretty miserable, I didn’t trust them and I didn’t join in on that day. But I did sign up for a group to happen in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, as part of the preparation for the group, I had to memorize twelve very difficult Pathways to Higher Consciousness.
I arrived on a Friday evening to start the group, parking my van in the lot. The first thing we were instructed to do was to take mattresses to board up the windows and doors all over the huge meditation room. The second thing we were told was to take off all our clothes! Then the facilitator explained this Rajneesh Chaotic Meditation in 5 stages. And we began! Boom Boom Boom!
I did the Meditation as totally as I was capable of and at the end I couldn’t stop sobbing. I must have continued crying the whole evening, while the group happened around me. I had not been aware of how much grief I was carrying. That meditation changed my life.
The next day, my first question was “Who or what is this Rajneesh?” I sure knew what the Chaotic Meditation was. And the answer came in the form of a gorgeous picture of this black-bearded god, and I fell in love with him at first sight. The next piece of the puzzle was in the form of the 1973 Rajneesh Newsletter, Tantra Edition, which included highlights taken from the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra along with a few letters he had written: these sealed my fate – I had found my master! And the rest is history, so to speak.
From that day on, I have never wandered from my path of love and gratitude for this man, and still much was yet to happen.
I was given an offer to live in the
After a while, I still had a travel bug, so I was bound for
That shock devastated me, and sent me to Swami Shanti Sagar in
“No, not for me,” I replied, “too much like priests.”
“You belong,” he answered, and handed me two packages of orange dye!
That did it. After we showered, he and Shakti, his girlfriend, set up a little altar with an Osho robe and his slippers, candles and incense. They stood beside me after he put the mala around my neck and I cried, feeling incredible joy: I had come home.
He told me to send my picture and write my story and send it to Bhagwan, which I did. I received the answer two weeks later; it read as follows:
Beloved Jeevan,
Love,
We are happy that you have taken the jump into Sannyas and are sending you the beautiful new name which Bhagwan Shree has given to you: Ma Prem Jeevan. Now completely forget the old name and just let life flow through you from moment to moment.
It is good that you are already wearing orange. Soon you will start to feel the blissful effect it has on your life. The orange life is a blissful dance.
Many things are happening here and much is possible through being here – so come soon…
His blessings,
Ma Yoga Laxmi
By then, I had heard Osho’s tape discourses, adored his picture, read a few books that were then available and here was my invitation to Pune. I was ready to go. I bought a ticket and was there within a month.
This is my first Darshan from Nothing to Lose But Your Head, February 1976
(to a newly arrived sannyasin) Something to say? When did you arrive?
JEEVAN: (a bubbling, extroverted, middle-aged American sannyasin)
About five or six days ago…and I’m really glad to be here. (she chuckles) I think you’re dynamite!
(chuckling) Very good.
JEEVAN: I want you to tell me the truth about me…I think I’m great.
I already told you!
JEEVAN: I know. I get all your messages…. It’s good to be here.
You have been here long before you came.
JEEVAN: I know that! I’ve been in your heart and you’ve been in mine.
Good…very good Jeevan! (the group laughs)
Osho assigned me many groups in the ‘70s, and I poured myself into them. I stayed in Pune for six months and then left for Geetam Ashram in
After living for three years at Rajneeshpuram in
MA PREM JEEVAN Love Life
Born May 9, 1927, in NYC
Took sannyas: Full Moon 1975
Presently living in
THE END
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